Prologue

With unspeakable mirth for the world around, something short of a book and more than a rant came out through his guts, via his stomach and eventually through his hands. One would want the heart and the mind to have something to do with it, but it wasn't. The sick feeling which one gets at the pit of their stomach where something is not right, was the only source responsible for what was to come. Words don't take up any space, but at times they make you so full of them that you have to spit them out otherwise you will have to retch. He always wanted to write a book, he knew that since he stared reading, even before he wrote his proper first sentence. But, he never knew that it would come like this. But it did and he didn't had a choice.

He was not so pleased to write it as he should have been, he was writing it because that was the only way for him to move any further. It was like a holy cross he has been cursed to carry for eternity, which he had been carrying since the time he knew guilt, since he began to make sense of ways of the world. He wasn't born a believer, not that he can remember, but he always wanted to believe in what is good, right, pure and true. The ideas of Love, Freedom, Honour and Kindness appealed to him. Nonetheless, he knew quickly that such ideas are called and dismissed as lofty by the ones who have been marred by disappointment and reality of life. At the end of it all what really mattered was the utility and convenience.He was quick to know of it and smart enough to remember it. But as overrated intelligence is, this awareness didn't make him feel any better or any calmer.

It is rather hard to fight with your upbringing. He was taught and reminded more often than anything else to be a good guy, a gentleman. And what else being a gentleman means if not believing in the lofty ideals and persisting even when failure is certain. The way people around him made decisions because of utility and convenience and provided convoluted justifications perturbed him. He was smart enough to relate to these people. Heck, he was one of them, he nonetheless believed that humans owe it to themselves to protect atleast a part of their lives where heart takes the decisions, however small that part is is irrelevalent. What matters is that you should know what is it and then stick to it. This part of your life is governed by high values, the very best thing men should aspire for and there is no scope of corruption or compromise. He felt rather odd knowing that even that is too much to ask from people around him. He could not hold someone from taking their decisions, but atleast he can pour out what he felt, hence he started writing ....hopefully for long...