Wandering Thoughts

• The farther one seems to be from happiness, the more he tends to write (fairly personal observation)
• Within my astonishing normalcy, lies the traces of my undeniable insanity.

Keeping a Secret

Sometimes when you stumble upon a truth which is so secret that it can make or break someone's life (or at least change it for better or for worse), what do you do ? As a social animal your first impulse is to share it with someone in confidence, consoling yourself that you can ask the other person to keep it to himself and not tell it to anyone. In this simple way, we pass on our burden to someone else, though knowing fully well that secret if told to someone else will always reach even further, like water which always finds a way to leak.

Or you can simply choose to ignore it and move on with life as you were going to. Sometimes people deserve to keep their secrets to themselves, and one should respect that. Easier said than done, but it seems to me a nobler choice, and what are we if we don't try to be noble once in while ?

Well, you know the answer.

Stay Beautiful.
Amitabh

Musings

When you are really sad, you appreciate people who just stay quiet and let you cry your heart out.

Take a bow to Imtiaz Ali

Somewhere deep within all of us is an innate desire to transcend ourselves, to be more than what we are and what we can be, to grow beyond and merge ourselves into something all pervasive. Sometimes we do realize this wish as well, though rarely and in fleeting moments.In my life, I have had these experiences as well, those sudden bursts of brilliant fecundity (or creativity) which makes you do things which makes you wonder later, if it was only you who did that or felt that. No matter how old I become, I will remember those moments with vivid clarity, like the time when I wrote something or the time when I took that brilliant catch or the time when sang that song or the time when I read that passage.

Despite of my fairly routine existence I cherish and strive for these moments hungarily. But I guess this phase of my life, I am getting used to becoming a bore and cynical. Very few things impress me and even if they do, it fizzles out.

Hence I want to write about the movie Rockstar right away, till I am still in awe, till I am still itching to write something. Once you sleep on such things, you never know if you feel the same way when you wake up in the morning.

Rockstar is basically a love story expectedly from Imtiaz Ali. But more than that it is about an artist's journey to find within himself a part which will transcend him into a realm of his craft which every artist want but seldom reach. He would reach there eventually but through the painful route of a heartbreak. In my opinion, heartbreak is nothing but a plot device, it could have been anything, death of someone, terminal disease of the rockstar (our hero feels doomed for having none of these :) ) but then a love story is a love story. Nothing tugs our heart like love of two good looking people :D.

Nargis Fakhri is all that she needs to be, beautiful and pristine, the unblemished portrait of a woman which can inspire a Janardhan Jakhar to become a Jordan. Ranbir Kapoor is also all that he needs to be and probably much more. In a role of a lifetime, he delivers the goods and proves his worth as the touted 'next big thing'. In my humble opinion, he already is with an enviable body of work in such a short time. His contemporaries are far behind.

Though I will always believe that Swades is A R Rahman's best work, he needs no praise from someone like me. The music is superb and if there ever would be a real life "Jordan" in India, he would have some benchmark to cross. Saada haq is as good a rock track as can be and I have already listened to Kun Faaya Kun and Tum Ho for hours in loop. And then there is "Nadan Parindey". Sample these verse from the song :

कागा रे, कागा रे, मोरी इतनी अरज तोसे

कागा रे, कागा रे, मोरी इतनी अरज तोसे

चुन चुन खइयो मांस |

अरे जिया रे,

खइयो ना दो नैना मोरे,

खइयो ना दो नैना मोरे

पिया के मिलन की आस ||

But more than anyone else, this movie belongs to Imtiaz Ali, the director with the vision to create this magnum opus. He deftly moves through a non-linear timeline displaying his control of the craft and the medium. Rockstar works because it has something to say (simply put, it has a story). It may not be entirely new , but every single frame of the movie is immensely watchable and thanks to Imtiaz Ali for that.

To sum it up, I loved the movie and would recommend it very highly to anyone who like watching movies.

If you have read this note so far, put a comment below (I only humbly request), what is it, that makes you feel more ? (apart from when you stand on the weighing machine of course :P).

If you know, you will do alright. Even if you don't, you are alive and will know eventually.

All the best.

Stay Beautiful (Courtsey:Orkut)

Amitabh

Aham Uvacha

Don't work, play, be hated and many other ordinarily non-sensical things start making sense when a famous celebrity starts giving gyaan on the life. He / She will tell you precisely how your life is going to turn out (no surprises there, we are all going down the drain :P ). Nonetheless, they also know what you need to do so that it doesn't go that way (and you become what they are or achieve what they have).

Of course, they won't say it directly, they would wrap it in nice package (humour preferrably) and then deliver it to you. So , here you are graduating or whatever, when you get the newsflash. Dude (or Dudette) !!! whatever you have been doing so far, just wasn't right, you got it all wrong ( and I am talking about the normal people, who have been worrying to do well in life, for those that aforementioned event actually matters, exceptions are always there).

They will turn everything that you held dear in life so far on its head and tell you to do exactly opposite. This will be done with catchy, attention grabbing phrases (like, stay foolish or Don't work and yeda yeda). You will be intrigued at first, enthused next and confused two days after the ceremony is over. This is typically the time it takes for one get over the hangover of life changing motivational speech.

No, not for a moment I am saying it is wrong for one to chase one's dream, however as a rational being our actions needs to have a ground of sound logic beneath them. Sachin is not Sachin only because he loved to play cricket, he is what he is because of his talent, discipline, perseverance, sheer hard work, suitable guidance and let's admit it, a fair amount of luck as well.

So here is my advice to all of these cool people out there (entitled enough to give cool speeches), yes we need to do something we love doing, yes that would be the best way to succeed, yes it will bring us the true happiness that everyone yearns for and yes it would be the coolest thing to happen in life. But give us some credit, we had thought about it, even tried a little bit. First of all it was difficult to decide on one thing we love enough to sacrifice the ordinary pleasure / stability in our life, for a lot of us, the choice was between a good life or bad life (only in very materialistic terms, never had the luxury of thinking about spritual satisfaction ). Our worries were our parents' aspirations, our own financial stability in life (we don't get unemployment allowance as big as a decent salary in India, Oh..sorry we don't get any at all) and most of all to provide for our families and also have access to things which give us pleasure / satisfaction. Hence given our considerations (numerous as they were), we chose to pick a job / career which will pay enough to ensure that I can buy inspirational books about people who can given cool speeches after I have taken care of our basic needs. We know it is not our calling or destiny or whatever you cool people call it, but it works for us. It gives me time & money to appreciate the music I so love, the hobbies I wanna pursue, to take care of my loved ones and at the same time do something which I love doing. At the end of day, I choose to work because it can help me to do a lot of things I wanna do.

Who said works needs to be the whole and soul of who I am ? I am much more. I always was and I always will be.

Aise Hi

किसी को दुसरे के दर्द का अहसास नहीं होता,
ग़म होता है मगर कुछ खास नहीं होता
मशरूफ जिंदगी की जद्दोजेहद में
हमें किसी के मरने का भी लिहाज नहीं होता |

A Game of Marble

"There you go", said Amitabh triumphantly, afterall he has hit the marble and his total marble count stood at 10 now.He was a newbie in this marble business, but he was no rookie. Within a week he has almost mastered the art of hitting a marble by bending his fingers expertly and aim like (or atleast pretend like ) someone who knew his marbles.

"Have you seen Aditya", asked Sukhjeet. "Nah", said Amitabh while trying to gauge the best way to hit the marble so that his marble would end nearest to the pegging hole and help him score the 'goal'. "Abe teen din se school nahin aaya hai (he hasn't come to school since 3 days)", said Sukhjeet.

"I am also playing", said Gautam while walking towards their small marble 'playground" from the classroom. Amitabh sheepishly looked at Sukhjeet. Gautam was a master marble player and letting him play with them would mean loosing some of the marble they have collected so far."We are not playing for real, this is a jhutthi mutthi game between me and Sukhjeet", said Amitabh trying to build a background to avoid playing with Gautam. 'Oh, alright, I will also join you", said Gautam in his flambuoyant way, so typical of someone good at marbles. "But we are not playing for real, you get it right ?", said Sukhjeet, giving his last shot at shooing Gautam away and playing at peace with Amitabh, with whom he had a chance to win some more marbles."I get it, we won't play for real but we can still play for points ...right ? One hit , 10 points" said Gautam. This seemed to be the clicnher, and Amitabh & Sukhjeet (now assured of safety of their marble "wealth") abondened their game to let Gautam joined them.

Gautam stood at the small pegging hole, took 1 marble each from everyone, shook them between his closed palms and threw it away from the whole on the ground. Now the goal of the game was to reach to the pegging hole, while hitting other's marble as many times with your marble as you can. Every time you hit others marble you will have to score the goal with your marble by hitting it inside the pegging hole.

As it turns out, Sukhjeet's marble went the farthest, Amitabh's was second nearest and Gautam's, the closest. Seems like the throw wasn't so random as it seemed at first."Oye haan... Gautam do you know why Aditya hasn't come to school for so many days" , asked Sukhjeet suddenly, continuing his conversation which he started with Amitabh with Gautam now. " This guy is still stuck with Aditya", said an irritated Amitabh, " if he didn't come, he didn't come, must be having fun at home yaar, who cares".

"Nothing yaar, I was asking just like that only", said Sukhjeet, " actually, I am missing the toast he used to bring for his lunch, he told me his mom toast it with something like butter but not butter, and that is why it tastes so different and so good.

"Cheese".

"What ?"

"That thing like butter which is not butter is called cheese, Aditya told me this and you know me, once you tell me something, I don't forget", said Amitabh, cashing on the opportunity to brag about himself. Something which he has started to enjoy since very recently.

"There has been some accident on the bridge, A jeep collided with the truck, Aditya was also there in the Jeep. He is in hospital right now. That is why he is not coming, my elder brother was talking to his frind yesterday, he was talking about Aditya's sister who also in the jeep. But Aditya will not come to school for sometime now." said Gautam, feeling a tad proud of providing a information meant for grown-ups only and quoting his sources as well.

"Yes I know, Aditya & his sister will always go home in their Papa's jeep, I wish my Papa's also had a jeep like that. Once Aditya invited us to his home across the bridge, we went in that jeep to his home during the interval , it was so nice and bumpy" said Amitabh, a little lost reminscing about that glorious visit.

"Did he break any bones ?" asked Sukhjeet out of curiosity.

"I think so, his left arm I guess. But my brother was telling his friend that his head got struk with the jeep's window very badly, his head is all wrapped up in bandages right now. He was unconcious for two days."

"Like the Mummy in Duck Tales ?" asked Amitabh, who was feeling a little left out in this rather serious conversation. He was still remembering the little trip they had. Aditya was always like that, sharing his tiffin with everyone, inviting them to his home and letting us use his new new things, he thought ruefully. Aditya not coming to school was not a good news.

"he he...sort of, I can only imagine, Aditya all wrapped in bandages, running behind us for our marbles making scary mummy noises... ...wwooooooo ...woooooooo ..wooooooooooooooooooo" said Gautam and they all started laughing.

And with that Gautam hit Sukhjeet marble once before hitting the peggin hole. He was, as expected the winner of the game. They started another game but midway someone shouted from the classroom, "Oye, Neppo is here, come back to class if you don't want to be flagged once again". Nappo (aka Napoleon) was the nick name they had given to the Principle of the school who was very strict and very short. How he was named after a French war legend in a school deep down in indian hinterland was a mystery. However, thanks to this, every kid in the school knew who Napoleon Bonaparte was (a really short guy, a detail most relevant at that age). The fact that Neppo always did his inspection with a short stick in his hand like a sword, just helped his notoriety as Neppo.

So they ran back quickly to the classroom, not before collecting & counting their respective "marble wealth".

Boring Hippie that I am

Hippies were known for their incessant travelling ways. The whole world was their home. They would leave one home and move to another home. I guess, normal people felt a little jealous of their 'free world' policy.

But those were the glorious 70s(an era that I personally identify more with than the one I live in), slowly & gradually, this 'tribe' began to wear out. More and more people joined the mainstream (Some actually became the CEOs of big MNCs :P did someone say Steve Jobs? ). Today hippies are mostly folklore, a nostalgic reminder of the past that was. No more men/women with long hairs, no more people with weird glasses (not really weird, but just tinted, big & round actually is more like it :)), no more drug and marijuana overdoses, and no more unanimous contempt for the 'establishment' without really caring about the reasons for it.

But mind you, 70s or not, long hair or not, dirty filthy stink or not and ‘pot’ or not :P, hippies still do exist, right amidst the normal people, disguised as THE normal (sometimes more normal than the normal people). Now this new "tribe" has two clans, the one who were born that way and the others who had to become that way.

The first clan have learnt the way to masquerade themselves, to 'gel well' into the society. Even though in our modern world, nobody really cares even if someone is really weird, members of this clan take due precautions. They are, from the day they were born, the citizen of the free world. And they love this world, where travelling is so much faster and reaching out to people super easy.

The other clan is just the boring non weird kind junta who has to go the hippie way, because they have been forced to live this life for very long time. Did you ever noticed the ways of a perpetually travelling salesperson, consultant or just a plain person whose job hopping involved moving a lot ?

Being a hippie is not how you look; it is for my utter lack of creativity," the state of mind". They are the people who can never really settle down in a place because who knows when they will have to make a move. They keep most of their essential stuff in the front pockets of their travel bags, so they can access it without ever really 'unpacking' their stuff. In fact, they are good at packing, but really bad (or downright lazy) at unpacking. It just seems too much work, when one has to undo it anytime soon.

This attitude towards unpacking stretches itself to everything. Friends are made but not really. Who knows when one would have to say good bye. The less involved one is, the less it hurts. Relationships are best avoided, especially ones with the strong strings.

This also means that at times one has to fake a lot of things so to avoid being called the 'stoneman', but long term faking, they say, becomes a habit hard to break. Hence when it comes to something real, one doesn't really remember what 'real thing' was like. And before one actually remembers, one is too far away to really do something about it. And then there is the next thing waiting for one to fake. Who's got the time to mull over the water under the bridge?

For those who care, I belong to the second clan; you can choose yours and be glad if you don't belong to the tribe at all. These are tough times for "proselytized" hippies.

Sitting here in a waiting lounge moving from one juncture to another juncture of my life, I hope that I would be able to settle down soon. I still hope to see the world, and yeah the whole of it. But I also hope to find a place where I know I would want to come back to, when I am weather beaten, jet lagged and too tired to travel any further. The place where I would plant some seeds and see them grow into trees, the place I would be able to keep a pet, the place I would lay down knowing deep in my dazed slumber that this five and half feet ( let's add 3 more inches for some 'leg space' here :P) of earth would not mind carrying my weight till the day I would sleep never to wake up again. But then, I have a job to do in a “globalized” world and to an extent I have made my peace with my inescapable mobility. Now I look forward to seeing new places, trying out new things (food, clothes, and habits among other things) . Well, what choice do I have? It’s fun at times and at times plain frustrating. But such is life, utterly oblivious of one’s likes/dislikes. It just loves to have fun at our expenseJ.

So to make peace with the life that I had, here is to all the places I have been to, to all the dirt I washed off my feet and body, to all people who came by, stood by me and then wished me farewell, to all who loved me, liked me and hated me to all the joys, to all the sorrows, to all the heartburns and to all the pleasant surprises,. And finally to all the years that have gone by, not for being golden or anything, but for being the years of my own life, the parts of my very own story. They are my most precious possession.

Here is to having some more of them :)

Cheers!!!

Stay Beautiful

Growing up.

Freedom also means taking decisions which are not easy. At times we need to parent ourselves and do what is best for us even when it is boring, entirely unimaginative. When we start taking responsibility for everything that we do, that's when we truly become an adult.

Questions

Love is a strange thing ? When can one say that one is in love ? Like a disease it has phases too and hence every phase has different symptoms.

Is it when you just want to look at someone endlessly losing yourselves in her big deep eyes ? or is it worrying about her just a little more than you do about others ? Is it the flutter in your heart when she smiles everytime ? or is it when you exactly know what she is going to do or say when something happens ?

Is it your heart skipping a beat when you touch her unintentionally for the first time ? or is the peace and comfort you feel when you hold her hand? Is it the stage when your eyes are too full of her to see something negative in her? or is it the stage when you are aware that she is just like you, flawed and fragmented?

Is it the initial hopefulness(may foolhadiness too) when world seems to be endless with possibilities and everything around you seems to be pleasant but irrelevant? or is it the time when you know that world may not nice, future may not be perfect, yet present is peaceful enough for you to be with her and thank god for that ?

Is it the time when there is nothing in this world which you wouldn't do to make her happy ? or Is it the time when you know it may not always be possible, but you take solace in fact that you wouldn't do anything to make her unhappy,knowingly.

Is it when it always feels like springs, colours seem bright, birds chirp happily, sky is just the bluest of the blue and looking out of a window is a cheer up ? Or is it when air around you seem damp, blue of the sky is not blue enough, nevertheless life is bearable because she is in your arms ?

Good Luck Dear Friend

At times one gets too busy in one's own life that we completely lose track of people around us, and if you are in a b-school this might happen quite a lot. In fact it takes a while before you realize who you have lost along the way. Not to say that life here is very busy, it is just that we form a very small circle of people and tend to lose ourselves in that circle only. People out of this immediate circle get lost in the background. You see them once in a while, say Hi and move on with your life.

A week ago, while surfing orkut (which indicates the abundance of time available) a friend's name flashed in my friend list and it struck me, that I haven't seen her for quite a while, inspite of fact that she is in same campus. Then it also struck me that she was dropped from the college due to poor academic performance. When it happened, I was also one of the many people who felt upset to hear the news. But soon enough, we got immersed into our lives and soon enough it was 3 months after that fateful day when we got the news.

Conveniently I forgot that a person existed around us and she was a friend. I am not sure why I am writing this but I felt bad for forgetting a friend so quickly, don't know why.

Anyways, all the best my dear friend, may you do well wherever you go.

Quarter Life Crisis

Something I found somewhere and felt like sharing.

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING... :)

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

GoBaldyLook

So finally after such a long time, I took the plunge & went "full monty" with my head.Translated, I shaved my head :). My hairs were coarse, full of dandruff (ewww..), falling & turning grey, and that's when I realized, it is time for "a new beginning". Apart from that I wanted to do it at least once till it is in my hand (or on my head :P ), just another tick on my 'bucket list' :).

What I really found interesting were some of the responses (though I must admit, not completely unexpected :P ) :

Here are some of them ( in no particular order ) :

• Inability to recognize me from 2 feets away when they saw me for the first time. One of my friend called me 'Chotu' and almost asked me to bring him some chaai.
  

• Why ? Why ? Why ? ( with supressed laughter juxstaposed with shock... I would interpret it as awe ,courtesey my glorious GoBaldyLook :P ). Supressed laughter later turned into uncontrollable hoo..hoo..haa..haa...with the clutching of the stomach and a pointed finger at me.
  

• What happened ? (almost a shreik !!! ), Gum got stuck in your hair ?
  

• Everything alright at home (Owing to a Hindu tradition ), I quickly reassured them that nothing of the sort has happened and then can go ahead, laugh and make fun of me. Everyone obliged :)
  

• The priceless open mouth with popping eyes.
  

• The rhetorical question, "Dude .. what the F*&^$ ?"
  

• The mean and loud laugh (It hurts.. man :( , coming from the person who knows how to do it)
  

there were some others, but I'll save them for a sequel ( I can very well write a book :) )

Stay Beautiful
Amitabh

P.S. : I am not going to post a pick of my own, enough people made fun of me already ...boo hoo hoo :D

The year gone by

"Sir, my name is Amitabh Singh Yadav and I am waitlisted 18 for the PMIR course.
waitlist 18 ?
Yes Sir.
PMIR ?
Yes Sir.
Amitabh ..Singh Yadav.
Yes Sir.

Your waitlist has been cleared and we will send you the formal admission letter in 3-4 days.

Are you sure sir ?

Yes .. now be patient and wait for your offer letter .... and the person on the other side of the phone call hung up. "


It took a while for this news to sink in me. When it did .. I did an impromptu Salsa step (which I was learning those days) and my colleague who was with me for breakfast was amused to see it.

Then I told her, "I am going to XLRI Jamshedpur" with the widest possible grin on my face.

Recently I completed a year after that fateful day and the journey so far has been a roller coaster ride to say the least.

This is my attempt to look behind past my shoulders to reminisce about what has happened in one of the most eventful year of my life.

This was the year :

• When I again started to believe in dreams and possibility of impossible dreams coming true. What happens after they come true is altogether a different story.
  

• When I made 3 friends, and if I were a corporation and friends were my profits, I am not only beating recession, I am making a killing of it.
  

• When my dear Sister found the love of her life and decided to get married.She has became a Mumbaikar now.
  

• When I hurt someone because of being nice to me.
  

• When I read too much, understood a lot but learnt very little.
  

• When the time went by faster than it ever could.
  

• When I saw the rich people (too rich for their own good) and the poor people( too poor to get hold of their next meal) and my sense of justice took almost a U-turn.
  

• When I saw 14 interview shortlists without my name before seeing the one with my name for the Summer Internship Process. As it turned out, that was enough :)
  

• When I again tried to fight prejudices of many, failing often and succeeding rarely.I plan to continue doing the same.
  

• When old age caught up with me for the first time. The sign ? It is not the grey hairs(though I have few of them head) and I am yet to grow a fully blown beard or moustache. Rather it is the year where emotions got the better of me, I have become rather more sentimental and emotional than I ever was. I just hope it is a temporary phase.
  

• When even after going through this ... I am not any wiser. :)

Stay Beautiful
Amitabh

Courage of Compromise

I am a restless person. I cannot stay at a place for long. I have to move and go someplace else. I cannot stay still for long, and then I also cannot stay silent for long. I don't know if it is a good thing or bad but the fact that I have survived so far indicates that it's not a real cause for worry.

But I wonder what it means .. and why is it so ? Over the time I have realized that my inability to make peace with my present is one of reasons I am this way. I HAVE to move away, I HAVE to find something better, I HAVE to be something else and then I see other people.

I see kind that is like me, which I must say is in plenty and confirm my belief in my disappointing commonality. I also see the kind which is different and is in rarity, the kind that has made peace with what they have and make the best of it. Their life is not the endless struggle of haves and have nots but rather a poignant conduct with which they live every second of their lives, keeping the remains of their once cherished dreams, hidden from the world and deep down the depths of their hearts. It is not very difficult to identify such a person, their eyes tells you their stories. The calmness past the days of juvenile excitement in those eyes is sometime soothing and sometime mocking; telling us where we stand and where we could have been. The relief of being past the chase that once haunted them is apparent in those eyes.

If I have confused you(which I am sure I have), just think of a female relative who was far too educated to be the wife of your dork uncle but still chose to make the best of her home, her kids. Think of an uncle who is too good for the place or his job but still chose to give his job the best he can and still love that God forsaken place. Fools might believe that these people were not in love with their dreams enough to pursue them. Actually, I believe nothing can be farther from the truth. Dreams are always cherished, by one and by all. Some of us had to let go of them mostly because of things that are beyond our control. In fact, sometimes it is easier to fight than to give up and move on because it requires a certain amount of emotional maturity to do so.

What most of us don't understand that life probably is not about pursuing a better future; it sometimes can also mean simply living and cherishing our present. They say something about "counting your blessings" ..right ? That is what I am talking about. No matter what they say about the will and its way, the truth we all know deep down in our hearts is that there are dreams which won't come true. So what do we do ? Some people turn bitter, for their whole lives. They refuse to accept the truth. But, some people do accept this reality and move on and make the best of what they have. Fighting is sometimes easier than giving up or what we know as compromise. This rare ability of people to accept the their fate is what I call the courage of compromise.

To know is to Be.

In Buddhist religion, there is a term called "Karuna", compassion being its closest synonym in English.When we understand the true meaning of this word, we move closer to the very key to understand people.

A person can not be understood by staying where we are.To understand a person, we will need to reach out,offer a helping hand, put yourself in his shoes and try to feel his sorrows & experience his happiness.

When we do that, the answer to the question(which we all have asked at one point or the other), "How could he do it ? " suddenly becomes clear.

Needless to say, practicing "Karuna" is very difficult.When we are kids, we are not mature enough to understand it.When we grow up & are young, there are too many people around us to understand and we are always in a unexplainable hurry. Who has the time to be compassionate to so many people ? We pick some and we leave some, whoever is convenient to keep around is kept.Those who are difficult, are left behind.

As we grow old and are left with fewer people, then it becomes a lot easier to understand the meaning of "Karuna". But then only a few of us understand it since age and wisdom rarely go hand in hand.Nevertheless those who do become wiser with age, become more forgiving, and experience a rare sense of calm and peace.

Understanding people is a slow and painful process. We can not gain trust without trusting, we can't avoid being judged without being non-judgmental ourselves. We must be ready to make allowances, ready to become a little vulnerable.When we raise big walls around us, neither we see anyone nor anyone sees us.We take this risk of getting hurt with the people we love.They in turn do the same, believing that we will never hurt them, and when we do hurt each other, we have the belief that it was not what we meant to do. Faith is the key to any successful relationship.If we lose it, we lose each other.

If you haven't realized by now, we all can be accused of (at one point or the other) of hurting most the people we love the most. Maybe the assurance that they would not leave us has something to do with it. Mostly they suffer in silence, sometimes they tell us.But still they stay because when you love someone, you ought to accept the worst along with the best. There is no selection, only a peaceful acceptance of the person the way he is. You are aware of your own frailty and hence you accept their imperfections. We practice Karuna with people we care about, every single day, every single moment, because we know and we understand.. we understand.

Just My Anger !!!

इस मातम-ऐ-दुनिया में अमन-ऐ-जहाँ भी नहीं, अमन-ऐ-दिल भी नहीं |

अमन के कातिलों से कह दो उनका यह जहां भी नहीं, वो जहाँ भी नहीं ||

मजहबी नहीं काफिर ही सहीं मैं,

यह जो हैं वो तो इंसान भी नहीं, हैवान भी नहीं ||

Where is your home ?

Home not necessarily needs to be a place or location, it can be a person, idea or anything for that matter.It is that to what one would like to go back to.

It is this constant awareness at the back of your mind,that we need to go back to it, constitutes the idea of home.

So here is a question for all of you, seemingly the simplest yet one of the most profound.(as Richard Bach pointed out in "Illusion")

"Where is your home ?"

Stay Beautiful,
Amitabh

Life in Short !!!

That's a piece I wrote sometime back as part of my application for a PG admission process.(Believe it or not :P ).

Enjoy Madi :)

Adieu Amitabh (A eulogy)

Born on the 18^th Nov, named after a living legend, Son of a homemaker & a teacher, Amitabh was an exciting prospect. He was good at studies, followed Cricket and Bollywood religiously (Name does have its effects, doesn’t it?).He duly pursued Engineering where he discovered Public Speaking, Table tennis, English literature, SPIC MACAY, guitar and not to mention his major Information Technology too.

A two year stint with TCS took him from Trivandrum to Cochin, Cochin to Bangalore and finally to Gurgaon. He made some interesting friends & despite all his dislike for food cooked in Coconut Oil, he swore by the Fried Fish till the very end. He liked to claim that he had found enough stories from Cochin and Bangalore for his Grandkids to last 20 years.

His love for printed words was a legacy of his father who was a librarian himself. Starting with Champak, Nandan, ChandaMama, Paraag, not to mention a fanatic following of Cricket Samraat he then moved on to read English Literature, reading classics, fiction-nonfiction with equal gusto. In particular he was fond of Indian Authors Vikram Seth & Arundhati Roy being his favourites.

He was confident, contemplative and had a sense of humour. He was afraid of stagnation, disliked hypocrisy (mostly his) and liked people. An atheist, he respected other’s belief but hated Religious fundamentalists.

Once when asked if he had any regrets…he said “I have many…but I won’t mind living to have some more”. We couldn’t agree more. Good Bye ‘O’ Beloved Friend. May you start again from where you left.

Love Ya XL !!!

This is story of an ordinary college boy. His story is as common as can be till something happens. During the very first few days ...Like you see a girl .. beautiful, smart and so intelligent that everyone seems to be eating out of her hands. You being the ordinary guy .. look at her in once in a while and try to console yourself by concentrating on some other stuff. The time goes by .. she is too good, you don't stand a chance and you remain the invisible guy that you are .. at least to her.

You are so much enamored that .. You feel scruffy when she is around... you feel tongue tied even when you know that you are not going to talk to her and she not to you. You live your life in the self-denial mode and keep it a secret even from your best friend.. Since he might find it funny and you really would not like it. You try talking yourself out of it .. it doesn't work. You try focusing your attention on something which supposedly is more important (study, career and all that crap they talk about), even that doesn't work.

Then as it happens with almost everything in life ... somehow your heart beats a little less faster when you see her. You try to follow the rule of "avoidance leads to forgetfulness". You succeed partially... life seems a little better now ... at least on the surface.

Then out of nowhere.. After 2 years in the college ... on a fateful day, something happens. You are coming back from your college and since you are thinking about the India-Pakistan match that India lost yesterday.. You don't notice her approaching you from the side. Suddenly she is standing in front of you and she asks. "Hi Amit, How are you?" (Let’s assume that’s your name).

You are dumbstruck. Caught between the feeling of shock and euphoria (She KNOWS my name !!!), you mumble something ..which obviously isn't audible enough but essentially meaning that you are good and something like that.

She understands and nods appreciatively.(Why ? ..you wonder ).Then she asks ... a little awkward herself, "Do you like coffee ? "

You being the klutz you are, reply , "Yeah .. kinda.." Looking everywhere but towards her.

"Oh..good", and then there is silence -- the odd kind where nobody would speak for a while and hope that the other would somehow rescue you two from this misery.. ..the sweet misery of those early days.

"Uh... would you mind, If I walk with you for a while", says the sweet one ... the one you waited for all along, the one who descended from heaven and landed right to your heart. Is this really happening, you ask yourself and pinch hard... yeah it is !!! .. And it's not another one of you dreams you have once in a while.

Your mind runs fast, very fast ... thinking things which are unimaginable.. looking for reasons for this sudden stroke of luck .. and finally believing in GOD.

Snapped back to real world and senses, you say " I don't mind" then regret immediately and add quickly " I mean .. sure! I would love to" and sigh with relief... just hoping that she won't change her mind.

And then you start walking .. together.. for a short walk now ... and then towards the future ... where there is bliss and there is heaven... though they might doubt it ...but you do live happily ever after.

Why I wrote this all ... just to tell you what XL means to me. When I started preparing for B-School entrance exams ... XLRI Jamshedpur was such a big name for me .. that I even didn't dare to dream about XLRI Jamshedpur, with my own deficiency in Maths and XAT's reputation for Whacko Quant section. I wrote XAT like a Zombie and the only good thing I remember doing is not attempting a single questions I was not sure of. To my utter surprise and delight, I got a GD/PI call from XLRI and the rest is as they say History.

XLRI PMIR to me is like that girl I mentioned above, so wonderful that I was afraid to admit my love for her even to myself. XLRI PMIR was my dream course and I am while writing this from XL, LIVING MY DREAM.

I am in Love and I don't care who knows it :D.

XL meri jaan .. love ya !!!